Ok, as you can prob­a­bly guess, Jason’s story of the shoot­ing wasn’t exactly accu­rate. First of all, there was no deal­ing like a table Gret­zky or any­thing like it the card sim­ply hit Cooley’s tow­ers of chips and fell face up for a nano-second. Now, since Coo­ley knew he was almost surely going to win (4 of a kind), instead of lament­ing “Mis­deal,” thereby risk­ing get­ting redealt a shitty hand and los­ing said “HUGE pot,” he should have picked it up and played it out and won the WHOLE pot … but no, he was jonesing to make another 75 cents off of an ine­bri­ated Dan. What­ever. That’s really not even the point, really. I threw a 20 spot in after a while of resist­ing match­ing the pot, snarling, “I’d rather throw this in than count those chips and match­ing them” … the rip­ping didn’t hap­pen til these those pan­sies start­ing bitch­ing about how they were going to split up the 20 bucks. That’s when I took it back, tore it in half, and handed half to each of them … when they bitched about that, I pulled out another 20 and did it again. Yeah, dra­matic, sure, but what­ever … fuck it. It was late, drunken, heated, and I was on the spot … reac­tions, what­ever the fuck.

Still not the point, though. I’d talk about my mother quicker than any of em, so that’s not why the gun came out. I just wanted to erase that fuck­ing Cooley-grin off his fuck­ing face, you know? That you’re so ridicu­lous, I can’t even laugh about it because I don’t feel a thing about you look he had on his face, the nar­rowed eyes and thin down­turned lips … OH! I’d shoot him again if I hadn’t already done it!

But he’s right– I’m real sorry about it now. I feel like a real shitheel about it. I was drunk, you know … I was just describ­ing what it felt like when I shot him the other night. So, hey, today I bought him the new “Dark Side of the Moon” 30th anniver­sary re-issue … some­thing he can maybe zone out to while he’s still on the meds. Sup­posed to be real crazy on the pan­ning and what have you.

Despite it all, I love that guy, you know. I will never ever shoot him again.