Icebox Records » ennui

Werk

Jason Cooley — Sat, 05 Apr 2003 02:04:36 +0000

It can be be so fucking hard to make myself do something. I’m trying to force myself to go downstairs and start work on something musical, but it ain’t happening. What the fuck is wrong with me? Once I’m there doing it it’s no problem. But right now, thinking about makes me sluggish and lazy. I want to finish this CD. Why don’t I? I got a new delay box yesterday, top of the line. Don’t I wannna use it? And what’s with all those unfinished squares in my room? Shouldn’t there have been at least twice as much done by now?

This new Manitoba “Up In Flames” CD is both inspiring me and making me want to abandon everything musically. It’s that good. Mmm.

Okay, here I go.

Barely there

Eric Olsen — Mon, 17 Mar 2003 00:17:05 +0000

It’s a long walk home at 2am (or 3am, if I were feeling honest). And it’s Vermont, so there’s ice, and you concentrate so hard on not falling that you tend to not notice what’s happening around you as you try to get from this to that. And bullshit’s happening all over, swerving cars glaring at you through half-open eyes, cops observing you from the third floor of a parking garage, 2 white-caps stumbling home trembling with dreams of Pamela Lee … and something makes you think, and you wonder if anyone’s seeing it exactly that way, and you don’t think they do but really, you know that they do. You say you don’t really smoke but you light another cigarette. Hearts are broken as often as shitty books are published. We nudge our sorrow along like discontent tugboats.…

…and there are bright moments, sure. Times when you hear it working, when you can tell what color it is, when the random tones strike a chord … and then you try to figure out the key, and it’s a fucking crap-shoot, like shooting fish or punching blindfolded. A white rook, a black knight, a double-twelve domino you’re stuck with when the Mexican Train folds. Do you still not get it? What I’m saying is that it’s a cakewalk if you’re stupid, it’s simple if you’re lucky, it’s easy if you’re blessed … and still most of us move slowly forward under the weight of the heaviest of palimpsests, the joy that knowingly shares it’s space with sorrow.

Or let me put it this way: it’s like a B string that won’t stay in tune … it feels so good playing it– so right being heard– you don’t really care that everyone else thinks it’s wrong.

llew

Jason Cooley — Mon, 17 Mar 2003 00:15:10 +0000

I’m drunk
and beaten
down.
I love some people
and I hate some people
the ones I love–
they’ll never know it
the ones I hate–
there’s nothing that can stop them from being able to tell.
Hiding feelings is like hiding a birth defect.
If you’re human, you know what’s going on.
If I had a

Ugh.

Eric Olsen — Mon, 03 Mar 2003 17:16:30 +0000

It doesn’t stop. Despair, i.e. I can’t shake the feeling that this is all so short, and for naught. Ugh. My body aches and music makes less and less sense.